Fear by: ~FreeBirD®~ on Flickr
Part of living in our reality, means being aware of the worsening state our society is living. Each day, the reporters on the radio and TV news tell us how many murders, rape and hate crimes have happened since you went to sleep.
As adults, we feel fear, but remember that we must go on, and continue with our lives. But that constant reminder of a deteriorating environment can become a horror movie for our children.
Yesterday, my daughter came up to me and asked: Dad, who will take care of us if you and Mommy get killed by a bad person? I checked with my brain and remembered that it was in fact, my 5 year old daughter who spoke those words to me. After clearing the shock out of my face, I reassured her that she should not be worried by such things. I explained that if something were to happen, she would stay with her brother with either her grandparents or her Godparents. I quickly changed the topic. Left it for later, when we talked with the Boss: God.
Soothing the spirit
After remembering all the folks who need God’s help, I prayed: “God, don’t let any harm come to us. Deliver us from evil always, and give peace to my daughter and son, whom I love so much and wish to be at peace. Comfort them in body and soul so that they know that everything will work out fine. After all, it is You who are guiding our lives, and your guidance is best.”
Her eyes watered a little and I knew she was still worried. That’s where Master Yoda (my wife) stepped in, always in the look out of our feelings (as a man, I tend to find solutions to problems, on the logical side) and said: “We will always be with you. Don’t worry.” My mind raced and the fear of a promise no one can keep disturbed me for a second, then I saw what Yoda was promising: “We will always be here… be it in body or in spirit.” That was something I could live with.
Where did all this come from?
After she was calm, I asked her: “Where did you get the idea, we might not be here for you someday?” and she replied, “From you“. I was flabbergasted. She explained how, when I told her months ago, that she had to know her mother’s phone number and mine by heart, just in case she had to call us for an emergency; she wondered who would she call if the emergency was with us. That we were in trouble and needed help. That, plus all the times she’s heard us adults talking of how things are going down the drain, alarmed her to the point, where she feared for her and her brother’s life without us.
The adult inside the child
Children listen to us. Even when no word is uttered, our actions speak even greater volumes to them. We must be cautious how we interact with others around them. If we leave them to analyze us with no explanation, unnecessary fear could grow inside them. I can’t begin to describe how worried I feel now that I know she is worried. We live in a tough world, who is currently surprising us with even worse situations. As much as we can, security has to be a part of the gifts we give them. No one can function with fear on their veins. And my little Princess thinks and analyzed much more that what I gave her credit for. Her mind is maturing and can comprehend more that what we give her. She can read between the lines.
All you need is love
The Beatles had it right! Teaching my children that all we need is God’s love, soothes and calms them. My daughter understood that there are things she cannot control, but there is someone who is controlling things so that we’re all right. I just wish the worries would’ve never entered her mind. At least not yet.
Have you experienced a similar situation with your child? How did you manage it? I sure could use the Heads-up!
Wow!! Even I got tears in my eyes!! My 5yr.-old asked a similar question: “Are you going to die when you get “viejita” / old? Will I be left alone?”. I, of course, was in shock! This came after she asked about my deceased grandmother, Maía. Which also brought me to tears. Buth then I explained that we are never alone. Maía is watching from above and taking care of us, along with God!
She paused, thought about it… and then I changed the subject. She is always asking about that, so expect it from time to time. You just have to treat it in a very casual manner. Don’t let her see you upset. And then give her a hug and a kiss and tell her/them how much you love them!
I didn’t get upset, just shocked. After we talked I said I loved her, as I do every time I get the chance. But it was a tough moment. I guess it will be harder when she grows up and asks bigger, more profound questions. Oh, Boy…
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment. Hope we see you around these parts more often!
Given all the bad news we are bombarded with daily I guess we all need to get ready for those questions from our kids.
I think it is great that she shared it with you and you where able to give her a good explanation. Thankfully I have you to lead the way my friend.
I’m thankful that she felt confident enough to ask. That’s the challenge with older kids. They see their parents as old and not tuned to their times and often ask those big questions to friends instead of parents.
We have to make sure that, even when they are older, they still feel thay can talk to us.