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To Sleep or not to Sleep (With you)

August 29, 2011 by 6 Comments

Sleeping like a baby from: jovanto on Flickr

Ok, this is one of those tough subjects, I’ve had to argue with a lot of people recently. Do you let your kids sleep with you? Let me begin saying that, with my first born, we counted the days until she could not sleep with us any more. We were selfish to the point of returning her to her crib, even if she had just let us know that she preferred to sleep with us. The excuse was always the same: “I need my beauty sleep”.

With our second child, we practiced a different approach. See, we learned how sleeping with the parents, the children are less afraid of things/situations and have more self esteem. All of this from a simple gesture of letting them sleep with me?! Seems that, when they shut down, they feel secure to know we’re there and our loving support encourages them to feel safe all the time.

Nowadays, we sleep with my boy’s foot in my face and his hand up my wife’s nose. We wake up destroyed but fulfilled knowing that he’s growing up with less fear. At first we were concerned about a baby in our bed. After all we could roll over and squash him at any time, so we came up with a simple, yet brilliant solution: we pushed the bed a little to the side and placed his crib right next to our bed. we took of one of the rails and voilá! we had ourselves a bed/crib contraption. He would sleep with us in the middle and after a while, my wife would slide him to his crib.

My son is almost two already, and I can assure you he is way more secure than my daughter. He’s like a little explorer. Like a little version of Capt. Jonathan Archer dwelling into the unknown with high hopes and his fear in check. Trouble is, I still second-guess myself wether it was his sleeping with us that did it or if he was built that way. Guess I’ll never know.

Anyways, the purpose of me writing this here is to ask you: Do you let your kids sleep with you? Why? Why not? Shed some light into this mystery, will you?

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Rick Lipsett

Sunshine and roses truly brighten her eyes; Giggles and tickles light up his face,Silly laughter and dancing that last: These are a few of my favorite things. When the boss bites, when problems sting, when I'm feeling sad: I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feel so bad.

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Filed Under: Choices, Fear, Lessons, Papá Heroes, Parental Advice
  • Anonymous

    I will be the first to say that yes our daughter sleeps with us for many reasons. One being that I am still breastfeeding and she will get up at least once to do so. We did have her in her moises but when it was time to transition to the crib, she was waking at least twice a night to breastfeed and I even slept on the floor so I could be there in a moments notice. When I saw that I needed to rest and the months started getting hotter, we decided to put her in our bed. We don’t have the luxury of running two A/C’s in the house. Luckily when she turns one, we are hoping for cooler weather. Yes sometimes I am falling (as I did this morning) off the bed, and we push dad off at other times, but people from the beginning of time slept in clans. There are those who say the child needs to be independent and that parents need their privacy. I co-slept with my parents and they managed to have two other daughters. LOL Every family does their own thing.

  • Milaviles

    As with any parenting issue – everyone has their own opinion as to what is best (and some presume that what is best for them is best for all LOL). The internet is also an amazing tool in that you can find pros and cons and enough supporting evidence and research to really confuse just about everyone on any given parenting topic. Co-sleeping is GREAT if and ONLY if it works for you and your family.
    With my first child, I took in all that was advised, suggested and told to me but being a 1st time mom it was scary knowing if I was making the right decision. I finally decided that as “mom” I would go with my instincts, mixed in with my Dr’s suggestions, a little common sense and sometimes the suggestions of my elders to base what I did and how I brought up my child.
    In terms of co-sleeping – I knew it wasn’t for me/us. I have a relative who co-slept and couldn’t (and sometimes I wonder if she “wouldn’t”) break the habit? and her kids were 9 and 11 yrs old. I thought that was beyond much especially because she was always complaining about it but hey, I always also say “to each their own”
    Now, both my kids are very independent, natural explorers, very strong headed and their self esteem is not an issue BUT I also make sure that I provide the support and guidance to make sure that those traits and qualities are fostered in them. This is what works for US – and if co-sleeping works for someone else then, more power to them. Everyone needs to do what is right for their situation and family nucleus.
    Congrats on doing something different with your second one and like you said, you’ll never know if the differences are due to co-sleeping or not but what matters is that you’re doing what you feel is right for you all.

    • Anonymous

      Milaviles,
      Wow. Your comment is a post on its own. Thanks for the incredible feedback.

      We’ve come to use our gut instinct much more than what we used to. We used to lay a course of action using the input provided to us. Nowadays we do what feels right. Co-sleeping feel right for us. There will come a time where he’s too big and he will HAVE to sleep on his own, and I’ll finally have my pillow back, but for now, waking up with his foot inside my mouth is ok.

      Thanks again, for your comment!

  • Maria

    I believe that a child that get use to sleep with their parents can be an insecure person in the future. If you teach your kids to sleep alone and that there is nothing to be afraid you are teaching them to be independet and to let them know that you are there for them but still they have a role to play and they need to learn hoe to confront their fears. But also if you feel doing it sometimes I think that doesn’t hurt anyone. The problem is when they get older…

  • Maria

    I believe that a child that get use to sleep with their parents can be an insecure person in the future. If you teach your kids to sleep alone and that there is nothing to be afraid you are teaching them to be independet and to let them know that you are there for them but still they have a role to play and they need to learn hoe to confront their fears. But also if you feel doing it sometimes I think that doesn’t hurt anyone. The problem is when they get older…

  • Maria

    I believe that a child that get use to sleep with their parents can be an insecure person in the future. If you teach your kids to sleep alone and that there is nothing to be afraid you are teaching them to be independet and to let them know that you are there for them but still they have a role to play and they need to learn hoe to confront their fears. But also if you feel doing it sometimes I think that doesn’t hurt anyone. The problem is when they get older…