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@Gin_Elie ‘s Potty Nightmare

June 27, 2012 by 2 Comments

Photo by Peaches from Positively Peaches

This is a guest post from my good friend @Gin_Elie.

Ah, the joys of parenting! Especially if you’re a first-timer. The expectations… the questions… the answers that you’ll only find for yourself. When you become a parent for the first time, you always ask your friends and family for advise. But no child is like the other and none of them come with an owner’s manual. Especially when it comes to potty training.

I remember when I was teaching my daughter to go to the potty. She was 3 years-old, a little late for some. And yes, I asked for advise and tried to follow most of them like: letting my child come with me into the bathroom and watch me sit; explain to her why it is important to let go of the diaper; let her pee on herself and tell her to help you clean up, and so on. Somehow, she was very afraid of the toilet! She avoided it as if it were a monster! I googled for similar situations, read every answer to every question and I tried them all without success. I felt so frustrated and unaccomplished, and she could also feel my frustration!

Then, my brother-in-law said the simplest thing: “Don’t worry, she won’t be using diapers in College!” Wow! At first I thought it was the most ridiculous comment anyone had ever said to me. And then I got it! All he meant was to be patient, to take it easy on the child. Let her be, she’ll get it soon enough. So I just relaxed and stopped pressuring her!

She wouldn’t announce she had to go do “#1″. So the incident was always a surprise. She knew it was wrong, she always appologized. Then slowly she started to let me know, although still afraid of the toilet.

Then, the day came. It was a saturday. We were going sailing on my dad’s boat. I sensed she had to go (mother’s instinct), on the floor of my dad’s sailboat! “NO!” I screamed to myself. “Not here!” We were standing in front of the boat’s “head” (that’s how they call a boat’s toilet) so I just grabbed her, sat her down on it and she let go… with a smile! I said: “See? Nothing was going to happen. Wasn’t it easier on the toilet?”. “Yes, mommy. It was!”, she replied with amazement. One down… #2 to go!

Now that one was even harder!!! Months went by and the only way she would do #2 was on her diaper. She knew it was easier on the toilet, so why was she not trying? Here we go again, the advises, the research… the torture!

Filed Under: 1 Time Contributors, Fear, Lessons, Mothers, Papá Heroes Tagged With: ,

The Correct Costume

January 12, 2012 by 7 Comments

Maybe this topic is a little off season, maybe it doesn’t matter. On my household, we don’t participate of Halloween. There are a lot of reasons for this. But on this post, I’ll only cover one: inappropriate costumes.

Can I suggest a different attire?

Not only on real life, but also on any social networks. Kids should never wear suggestive attire or costumes that will endanger their innocence. Imagine, if you will, a 7 year old wearing a bunny costume that does not fit well with her innocent persona (much like the one the girl on this post’s picture is wearing). Doensn’t it ring any warning bells? Can you imagine if some child molester saw her like that? that’s the only thing that comes to mind when I see this. That attire reminds me of the dress-up many Playboy Playmates wear.

Keep in mind your kid’s age

On social networks, and using Raúl’s post on friending kids on social networks as inspiration, you may find a few kids that wear what they think is a pretty dress on their profile picture or avatar. They might even have full photo albums of them trying out clothing that is completely inappropriate for their age. Problem is, adults do not see it the same way they do. I can never understand how parents let their kids wear suggestive clothing in the real or digital world. Those parents more than likely never even visit their child’s profile page on Facebook. They make it easy for any child predator out there.

Pants, please!

Back to the small girl. There’s a fast cure for this type of situation: put some pants underneath the skirt, after all, with those clothes, she won’t be able to play at all, and still… the costume remains innapropiate. I mean, think about it, she wouldn’t be able to move much without showing her underwear. Talk to your daughters about this. They need to understand why they need to put pants on and why you don’t approve of such costumes. If they are as wise as my daughter, you won’t even have to finish your speech. They’ll get it immediatly! Always remember that not all parents think the same way. Maybe some don’t see anything wrong with that attire, they believe no one can come and harm their kid. I urge you to think again. 

Someone is always watching

Next time you buy a costume for your child, be sure is age appropriate. Never expose them to sick people that might be watching them and creating dirty scenarios in their heads. Also be watchful of you children’s digital life.

What do you think? What is your approach to costumes? Are we indoctrinating our young ones on the incorrect path without knowing? Give me your thoughts!

Filed Under: Fear, Lessons, Online Safety, Papá Heroes, Parental Advice Tagged With: , , , ,

To Sleep or not to Sleep (With you)

August 29, 2011 by 6 Comments

Sleeping like a baby from: jovanto on Flickr

Ok, this is one of those tough subjects, I’ve had to argue with a lot of people recently. Do you let your kids sleep with you? Let me begin saying that, with my first born, we counted the days until she could not sleep with us any more. We were selfish to the point of returning her to her crib, even if she had just let us know that she preferred to sleep with us. The excuse was always the same: “I need my beauty sleep”.

With our second child, we practiced a different approach. See, we learned how sleeping with the parents, the children are less afraid of things/situations and have more self esteem. All of this from a simple gesture of letting them sleep with me?! Seems that, when they shut down, they feel secure to know we’re there and our loving support encourages them to feel safe all the time.

Nowadays, we sleep with my boy’s foot in my face and his hand up my wife’s nose. We wake up destroyed but fulfilled knowing that he’s growing up with less fear. At first we were concerned about a baby in our bed. After all we could roll over and squash him at any time, so we came up with a simple, yet brilliant solution: we pushed the bed a little to the side and placed his crib right next to our bed. we took of one of the rails and voilá! we had ourselves a bed/crib contraption. He would sleep with us in the middle and after a while, my wife would slide him to his crib.

My son is almost two already, and I can assure you he is way more secure than my daughter. He’s like a little explorer. Like a little version of Capt. Jonathan Archer dwelling into the unknown with high hopes and his fear in check. Trouble is, I still second-guess myself wether it was his sleeping with us that did it or if he was built that way. Guess I’ll never know.

Anyways, the purpose of me writing this here is to ask you: Do you let your kids sleep with you? Why? Why not? Shed some light into this mystery, will you?

Filed Under: Choices, Fear, Lessons, Papá Heroes, Parental Advice

Practice Makes Perfect

August 25, 2011 by 2 Comments

Practice Makes Perfect by: Thoughtbrain o Flickr

Writing about this subject for UNDOdigital, this week got me thinking of my children a lot. I remembered all those times when I gave some task to my daughter and she came back telling me she couldn’t do it. After inspecting her approach, most often than not, I see a lack of willingness to do the task. I then correct her: “You can do it, maybe you just don’t want to. Let’s try it again.”

Delegate tasks

As a parent, I must give tasks to my children so they understand that we’re all on the same group. We all need to work together to achieve our goals. When we help each other (as a family) we create a better bond and we get things done faster. Plus you can bet it’ll be easier for them to help us when they’re teenagers, if we’ve taught them to work since they’re little.

Never let them Give Up

I never give up on my children, and am always remembering them that they can do it. If something seems difficult, I encourage them to try harder, and keep at it until they achieve it. Perseverance was an important lesson, my father taught me and I intend to pass it along. And if they see how I don’t give up on them, it’s more than likely they won’t give up on themselves either.

Protecting them from their Future Selves

When older, we more bound to give up at first glance. If a task seems impossible, we let it pass us, not even trying. But if you are brought up to look at impossible tasks in the eye and not be intimidated by them, you’ll be a better adult for it. So the next time you child says: “I can’t do it” reply with a loving and strong: “Come on! you haven’t tried hard enough! I know you can do it”

Doc Brown had it right

“If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.” Doc Brown from Back to the Future told that to Marty back in 1985, and when the latter got stuck in 1955, he impressed the thought upon his teenage father.  Besides thinking how big a geek I am for remembering such trivial stuff from movies, you have to admit that it makes a lot o sense. The same thing applies to children. If they play a video game, they will not drop it until they complete it, right? well, what about the daily tasks at hand? If they devote at least half of the energy they devote to the Nintendo 3DS’ and PSP’s, to the tasks we give them, they will master them in no time. It all comes back to perseverance. Doing things with passion and not letting the ball drop until the task is accomplished.

Do things as many times as you need to, until you are satisfied with the results, and teach the same to your kids. Remember… Practice makes perfect! Makes sense? How do you do it?

Filed Under: Choices, Fear, Lessons, Papá Heroes

What will happen to us?

July 12, 2011 by 5 Comments

Fear by: ~FreeBirD®~ on Flickr

Part of living in our reality, means being aware of the worsening state our society is living. Each day, the reporters on the radio and TV news tell us how many murders, rape and hate crimes have happened since you went to sleep.

As adults, we feel fear, but remember that we must go on, and continue with our lives. But that constant reminder of a deteriorating environment can become a horror movie for our children.

Yesterday, my daughter came up to me and asked: Dad, who will take care of us if you and Mommy get killed by a bad person? I checked with my brain and remembered that it was in fact, my 5 year old daughter who spoke those words to me. After clearing the shock out of my face, I reassured her that she should not be worried by such things. I explained that if something were to happen, she would stay with her brother with either her grandparents or her Godparents. I quickly changed the topic. Left it for later, when we talked with the Boss: God.

Soothing the spirit

After remembering all the folks who need God’s help, I prayed: “God, don’t let any harm come to us. Deliver us from evil always, and give peace to my daughter and son, whom I love so much and wish to be at peace. Comfort them in body and soul so that they know that everything will work out fine. After all, it is You who are guiding our lives, and your guidance is best.”

Her eyes watered a little and I knew she was still worried. That’s where Master Yoda (my wife) stepped in, always in the look out of our feelings (as a man, I tend to find solutions to problems, on the logical side) and said: “We will always be with you. Don’t worry.” My mind raced and the fear of a promise no one can keep disturbed me for a second, then I saw what Yoda was promising: “We will always be here… be it in body or in spirit.” That was something I could live with.

Where did all this come from?

After she was calm, I asked her: “Where did you get the idea, we might not be here for you someday?” and she replied, “From you“. I was flabbergasted. She explained how, when I told her months ago, that she had to know her mother’s phone number and mine by heart, just in case she had to call us for an emergency; she wondered who would she call if the emergency was with us. That we were in trouble and needed help. That, plus all the times she’s heard us adults talking of how things are going down the drain, alarmed her to the point, where she feared for her and her brother’s life without us.

The adult inside the child

Children listen to us. Even when no word is uttered, our actions speak even greater volumes to them. We must be cautious how we interact with others around them. If we leave them to analyze us with no explanation, unnecessary fear could grow inside them. I can’t begin to describe how worried I feel now that I know she is worried. We live in a tough world, who is currently surprising us with even worse situations. As much as we can, security has to be a part of the gifts we give them. No one can function with fear on their veins. And my little Princess thinks and analyzed much more that what I gave her credit for. Her mind is maturing and can comprehend more that what we give her. She can read between the lines.

All you need is love

The Beatles had it right! Teaching my children that all we need is God’s love, soothes and calms them. My daughter understood that there are things she cannot control, but there is someone who is controlling things so that we’re all right. I just wish the worries would’ve never entered her mind. At least not yet.

Have you experienced a similar situation with your child? How did you manage it? I sure could use the Heads-up!

Filed Under: Comfort, Fear, Papá Heroes, Parental Advice

Telling Kids the Whole Story

July 5, 2011 by 2 Comments

Foto Credit: AlittleFlood on Flickr

Some time ago, one of my kids was going to have a simple operation done. I knew that the whole process would be tough on her. I was freaked out. Big time. So I couldn’t even fathom how she felt. I remember the doctor’s assistant asking on several occasions if I was Ok. I’m pretty sure she knew how I felt after we were noticed that the operation needed to be done. Once again, my face was unable to hide my feelings. I remember walking towards the car, holding my daughter’s hand and trying to decipher how on Earth would I let her know what was coming.

Give it to her straight!

Given my face problem, I knew my daughter could not be kept in the dark about what was coming. I also thought it was cheating (as a Dad) if I did not prepare her for that day. So I opted to tell her the truth, but how? when? where?

When in doubt, consult Master Yoda.

My wife agreed with me, we had to tell her. So we decided right then and there to give her the truths in small dosages. So from that moment to when the operation day came, we told her everythig. The documentation, the tests, the operation itself and everything else. Often I saw fear crawling out of her eyes. So I offered comfort.

A spoonful of Sugar helps the medicine go down.

Mary Poppins had it right. By mixing loving support (sugar) with truth(medicine) in small percentages, we were able to explain everything that was going to take place. Every test that would be done, how it would be done. The anesthesia the part where the doctors would tell us to leave, the pain afterwards, everything. Little by little, the whole truth was accepted. Comfort and security kicked fear out!

It was all over.

When everything was said and done and the pain left, my parents asked how did we eradicate fear. They had never taken me to have any surgery, so it was new to them also. It was the truth. Not lying saved the situation. By accepting everything and putting it into words, a kid felt like an adult and the parents, like heroes.

Filed Under: Choices, Comfort, Fear, Parental Advice

Spirituality and Children

June 24, 2011 by 1 Comment
angel girl

Photo Credit: Ellie 19

Making sure our kids pray and communicate with God is no easy task. It is at that time that they want to play, eat, sleep, bathe, study, run for president or call their friends. Anything seems better that taking the time to remember all the good things we’ve had that day, and all the things we can improve tomorrow. Every day, Prayer time has to become friendlier to them so they allow themselves to do it. As adults we can stop what we’re doing, and easily close our eyes to pray. If we really want to, of course. You see, prayer is an important protection charm we’re teaching our children.

In those minutes that we remember all the people we know that need something from God, all the relatives that we love and wish them well, all the persons we don’t know of but have heard, that need God, we are stepping out of ourselves for a while and thinking of the needs of others. I’m sure that if most of us could do that more often, the World would shift to a brighter day.

Whenever they feel fear, we close our eyes and tell God about it. On our way to school, we make sure to tell Him about what we prefer to receive that day. What we wish we do not get. And since saying stuff out loud programs our brains to make sure we get just that, God just helps us on our journey.

So, no matter how difficult it may be to begin, prayer is always on our to-do list. It is a great way to make the children humble and honest not only with others, but also to themselves.

Filed Under: Choices, Comfort, Fear, Papá Heroes Tagged With:

Let them fall

June 22, 2011 by 9 Comments

Photo credit: Waterloo Fords

A tough one. My baby boy is walking in his Frankenstein way (outstretched arms) and I see that he’s approaching the grass. That shift in texture (from cement, to grass) will probably make him fall. Automatically, I run towards him, but stop mid-way and let him keep on. I just say: “Careful, look at the ground.” Surely enough, he paid the same attention as you, that weren’t there, and fell. My wife, overlooking from afar, later asked why did I let him fall. Immediately I remembered Alfred telling Bruce Wayne “Why do we fall?… So we can learn to pick ourselves up!” and recited the exact same words. She gave me the “you are crazy” look. Perhaps.

Funny thing is, my wife allows them to learn by themselves more than me, so I don’t really get the “you are crazy” look yet. But I digress.

Learning the ropes

Part of growing up is learning our own way. We can receive unlimited advise along the way, but ultimately we make our own choices. My son chose to give  it a try. I chose to let him learn how to handle himself.
Of course if he were headed to a silent Dog with fire in his eyes, you can bet, I would not have let him learn on his own.

As adults, we love or independence. when someone tells us what to do, we get upset and unforgivable curses start spewing out from our mouths, right? What makes us think that children are any different. Sure, we need to guide and teach them about everything and them some, but we also need to teach them independence.

This of course applies to everything about them. Have you see them play a new table game for the first time? The rule book is obsolete to them. They make their own rules. They want to be in charge. Let them learn, cautiously, on their own. You’ll receive lots of kisses for it!

What do you say, are there times that we should not protect our kids, so they can learn by themselves or should we prevent it?

Filed Under: Choices, Fear, Papá Heroes

The Protection of a Night Light

June 19, 2011 by 3 Comments
15: Night light

Photo credit:Emembeth

To us adults, being in total darkness at night probably means nothing. To my daughter, being in her room in pitch black conditions is like dropping her in an uncharted planet by herself. A night light is like a safety beacon that assures her, she’s still in the safety of her room. It helps her remember that her parents are a few steps away to bring her the security she needs.

 

In the same manner, a spiritual light in her heart will create a faithful belief that everything will be alright. If she really feels it, she’ll know that there’s an unconditional love in her that guides her and protects her. Even if you don’t like to talk about God at home, teaching kids that there is an order to things, that we do not live in chaos, that anything we do to others will come back bigger in return is helpful and necessary. They will get the message: we need to be good.

 

Being a Parent is like being a Night Light

We have to shed light in the darkness. We have to point out mistakes and give advise. This lifetime job, will help them keep on the right track. We are their lighthouses in the middle of the night in a rocky shore. Take the challenge and be that light. Shine as bright as you can and keep away all those monsters that hunt them as kids and later on, in real life.


Filed Under: Comfort, Fear, Papá Heroes