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@Gin_Elie ‘s Potty Nightmare

June 27, 2012 by 2 Comments

Photo by Peaches from Positively Peaches

This is a guest post from my good friend @Gin_Elie.

Ah, the joys of parenting! Especially if you’re a first-timer. The expectations… the questions… the answers that you’ll only find for yourself. When you become a parent for the first time, you always ask your friends and family for advise. But no child is like the other and none of them come with an owner’s manual. Especially when it comes to potty training.

I remember when I was teaching my daughter to go to the potty. She was 3 years-old, a little late for some. And yes, I asked for advise and tried to follow most of them like: letting my child come with me into the bathroom and watch me sit; explain to her why it is important to let go of the diaper; let her pee on herself and tell her to help you clean up, and so on. Somehow, she was very afraid of the toilet! She avoided it as if it were a monster! I googled for similar situations, read every answer to every question and I tried them all without success. I felt so frustrated and unaccomplished, and she could also feel my frustration!

Then, my brother-in-law said the simplest thing: “Don’t worry, she won’t be using diapers in College!” Wow! At first I thought it was the most ridiculous comment anyone had ever said to me. And then I got it! All he meant was to be patient, to take it easy on the child. Let her be, she’ll get it soon enough. So I just relaxed and stopped pressuring her!

She wouldn’t announce she had to go do “#1″. So the incident was always a surprise. She knew it was wrong, she always appologized. Then slowly she started to let me know, although still afraid of the toilet.

Then, the day came. It was a saturday. We were going sailing on my dad’s boat. I sensed she had to go (mother’s instinct), on the floor of my dad’s sailboat! “NO!” I screamed to myself. “Not here!” We were standing in front of the boat’s “head” (that’s how they call a boat’s toilet) so I just grabbed her, sat her down on it and she let go… with a smile! I said: “See? Nothing was going to happen. Wasn’t it easier on the toilet?”. “Yes, mommy. It was!”, she replied with amazement. One down… #2 to go!

Now that one was even harder!!! Months went by and the only way she would do #2 was on her diaper. She knew it was easier on the toilet, so why was she not trying? Here we go again, the advises, the research… the torture!

Filed Under: 1 Time Contributors, Fear, Lessons, Mothers, Papá Heroes Tagged With: ,

Mi Super Héroe by @GregorioUribe

June 19, 2012 by 3 Comments

Mi Super Héroe by @GregorioUribe

Father’s Day was yesterday but it is everyday in our house and for those who believe in celebrating everyday.

We got a tweet from @GregorioUribe with a link to a video called “Mi Super Héroe”  or “My Super Hero” in English.

@ here's a music videos about how so many of us see our dad's as Super Heros. Hope you enjoy it. http://t.co/3OXul6PX
June 18, 2012 4:31 pm via webReplyRetweetFavorite
@GregorioUribe
Gregorio Uribe

The song talks about the relationship a son has over the years with his father from childhood, through heartbreaks during adolescents and  into adulthood. With out giving away too much of the song’s message, it paints a picture of life’s lessons and how we will always view our parent’s as super heroes even when we no longer need them to come to our rescue.

At least that is my interpretation. The song is in Spanish but with the video you can still get a clear message from the video of how involved this dad is with his son throughout the day.

Mi Super Héroe

 

My parent’s first Super Hero Act

The first time I realized that my mom was a Super Hero was in first grade. I was bussed into another town and would sometimes get to school late because of traffic. Well my teacher thought it was funny to call me lazy and sleepy head. Imagine your five years old, you have to get up at 5:00 a.m to go to school and it is at least an hour away. Don’t you think you would fall asleep in class from time to time? Well I told my mom about what the teacher was calling me.

During her first parent-teacher conference, my teacher thought my mom did not speak English, and was basically over stating things and making sure my mom understood. ¿Comprende?

Once she finished telling her about all the things that were wrong with me, my mom basically told her she was going to have to work with me and I would have to work with her. And because of all the name calling, I was not willing to do any work for her. After my mother told her to stop belittling me in front of the class because there would be consequences, things changed from that point on. I saw my mom as Wonder Woman; ten feet tall, with a golden lasso, and ass kicking super hero. My mom is only 4’6 but boy did she get on that teacher; my mom was also a paraprofessional in public school so she knew the effort and tactics it took to teach children.

Beautiful Message through song

I want to thank @GregorioUribe for sending us the tweet. We enjoyed the song and the video so much that we saw it four times. Our daughter was dancing to it and it actually made me cry. We love sharing great content, especially when it is a positive message about the relationships between children and parents. We hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

When was the first time you saw your parent(s) as a Super Héroe? Do they still come to your rescue as an adult?

More on Gregorio Uribe

You can find the song to download on iTunes

Follow @GregorioUribe on Twitter , his blog , or on Facebook.

 

Filed Under: Fathers, Lessons, Papá Heroes Tagged With: , ,

The Correct Costume

January 12, 2012 by 7 Comments

Maybe this topic is a little off season, maybe it doesn’t matter. On my household, we don’t participate of Halloween. There are a lot of reasons for this. But on this post, I’ll only cover one: inappropriate costumes.

Can I suggest a different attire?

Not only on real life, but also on any social networks. Kids should never wear suggestive attire or costumes that will endanger their innocence. Imagine, if you will, a 7 year old wearing a bunny costume that does not fit well with her innocent persona (much like the one the girl on this post’s picture is wearing). Doensn’t it ring any warning bells? Can you imagine if some child molester saw her like that? that’s the only thing that comes to mind when I see this. That attire reminds me of the dress-up many Playboy Playmates wear.

Keep in mind your kid’s age

On social networks, and using Raúl’s post on friending kids on social networks as inspiration, you may find a few kids that wear what they think is a pretty dress on their profile picture or avatar. They might even have full photo albums of them trying out clothing that is completely inappropriate for their age. Problem is, adults do not see it the same way they do. I can never understand how parents let their kids wear suggestive clothing in the real or digital world. Those parents more than likely never even visit their child’s profile page on Facebook. They make it easy for any child predator out there.

Pants, please!

Back to the small girl. There’s a fast cure for this type of situation: put some pants underneath the skirt, after all, with those clothes, she won’t be able to play at all, and still… the costume remains innapropiate. I mean, think about it, she wouldn’t be able to move much without showing her underwear. Talk to your daughters about this. They need to understand why they need to put pants on and why you don’t approve of such costumes. If they are as wise as my daughter, you won’t even have to finish your speech. They’ll get it immediatly! Always remember that not all parents think the same way. Maybe some don’t see anything wrong with that attire, they believe no one can come and harm their kid. I urge you to think again. 

Someone is always watching

Next time you buy a costume for your child, be sure is age appropriate. Never expose them to sick people that might be watching them and creating dirty scenarios in their heads. Also be watchful of you children’s digital life.

What do you think? What is your approach to costumes? Are we indoctrinating our young ones on the incorrect path without knowing? Give me your thoughts!

Filed Under: Fear, Lessons, Online Safety, Papá Heroes, Parental Advice Tagged With: , , , ,

Parent Mentors vs Parent Know-it-Alls

December 20, 2011 by 7 Comments

When we found out we were going to be parents last May, it was a total shock for my mate and I. Well let me say that I was in shock for about three days and could not wrap my head around it until I started telling my immediate family. My neighbor and cousin who helped during my “kidney stone” (which I thought was the issue) where notified before many other people.

I threatened my mate with all sorts of things if he posted the information on-line with folks we had just met, write about it in his blog, or even with his extended circle of friends on all social platforms. Since it was my first pregnancy and due to other health issues, I just wanted to be safe and wait till the first doctor’s visit to make sure that the blood tests were correct. As soon as I started telling my closest friends and when people would see me, they began to give advice on what I should and shouldn’t be doing during my pregnancy.

I received unsolicited advice from a lady who saw me eat my only bag of chips throughout my nine months because I had not taken a snack with me in route from one doc’s appointment to the next. Yes I snapped at her and said that I eat healthier than most and one bag of chips was not going to hurt the human who was almost on her way out.

Great Advice from a True Mentor

I remember one of our mentors who has become one of our Parent Mentors writing on Twitter to some of  us who were in the same boat as new parents-to-be , “Los futuros nuevos padres preparense. Dondequiera que vayan con su bebé va a venir una persona con opiniones y consejos. paciencia!” or  “To the future new parents, prepare yourselves, where ever you go with the baby, along will come some person with opinions and advice. Patience.”

A Year Later

Almost a year later we have heard lots of advice and opinions on how we are raising our little lady. And every word our Parent Mentor said rings true and is the first thing that pops into my head when someone asks us her weight, height, eating habits, sleeping habits, if she is a good baby, if she is walking, what to do if she is not sleeping through the night, why we are not giving her a t-bone steak, etc.

We have several people who we consider our Parent Mentors because they have been mentors for us before we even found out we were going to be parents. Their way of telling us things comes from a good place of wisdom, knowledge, and the fact that they too were new parents. Some are single parents, some are not parents but who have the wisdom of parents, some are two parent families, some are parents of kids in their twenties, in college, and elementary school children. They also don’t judge us with harsh looks or words, instead they have a way of telling us that  there are other ways of doings things to help our daughter progress.

The Parent-Knowit-Alls

We have run into the Parent-Knowit-Alls, those people who have the genius child that walked at seven months, who now speaks five languages, and is an engineer with their legos. They will tell us that the baby is too needy, she needs to cry to open up her lungs (she is breastfed and exercises her lungs frequently), she better get her vaccine shots on time or else, she better eat meat (since we are vegetarian) or she will be weak and frail.

I will sometimes just listen to what they say or just outright disagree with them when they say things that don’t make sense to me with current facts. Some of these folks were parents long ago and don’t realize that we have evolved. I have disagreed with some things the Parent Mentors have said, but throughout the first year, all the advice and opinions have helped us with our daily adventures with our daughter.

Follow your Gut Feelings

To the new moms and dads, go with what you know, listen to those who have been there, weed out the advice and opinions that don’t jive with you, and put into practice what your heart tells you. Once you get over the first year, there are more adventures to come. So I hope I don’t sound like a Parent Knowit-All , but a new parent coming into her own and finding interesting articles for other new parents to read about from what things you can do with your little ones for Christmas, to advocating breastfeeding, preparing homemade baby food and having your baby eat real foods.

The best piece of advice I got from two veteran parents was that Vicks is great for swelling.

How do you act when you get advice from Parent-Knowit-Alls? 

Do you have a Parent Mentor?

Photo credit by diyosa

 

Filed Under: Lessons, Papá Heroes, ParentHood Tagged With: ,

The Power of Choice

December 9, 2011 by 2 Comments

 

One of the more frequent topics of my blog, Gil The Jenius, is about the power of choice. It might even be the underpinning to the blog’s zeitgeist, if you will.

The shortest post I ever wrote was exactly that: What is the power of choice? Aware of that power, I helped my son learn it…and I learned more about it as well.

Kaleb was four, close to turning five. I picked him up at the pre-school and we went to the mall, looking for a few items, but with a particular one in mind: a little race car. At the time, I had made huge copies of a racetrack and with my son and nephews, played a dice-based racing game. We used Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars to spend a few hours a week playing and racing, with Kaleb winning more often that anyone else, I might add…miffed.

We went into Wal-mart and headed for the toys section. A dazzling array of cars covered almost half an aisle and as Kaleb looked for his, I looked at the goofier ones (a hot rod hearse caught my eye.) After a few minutes, Kaleb came up to me with three cars in his hands and an anxious look in his eyes. “Dad,” he said, “I like these.”

A dollar each. Three dollars total. But I’d said–and he’d agreed–we’d get only one. “Pick one,” I replied. His eyes darkened.

He set the three cars on some empty shelf space. In a few seconds, he took one car and placed it aside. Two cars. Two dollars. It’s only an extra dollar, right? He stared at each car. Then again. I noticed I was holding my breath. I tried to relax. He leaned over a little, looking even more closely at the cars. Now my heart was pounding. It’s only two dollars. Two dollars! I waited. My heart pounded out the seconds.

Suddenly Kaleb hunched over, his body a tight fist in struggle. He was trying so hard… I forced myself to wait and to my surprise, I was fighting back tears. Why am I doing this to him? It’s only a dollar!

I waited.

Then, like water, he straightened up and looked at me with a beautiful smile of happiness. With no hesitation, he held up one car and said, “This one!” Before I could reply, he took the other two and put them back. Gave me time to wipe my eyes.

We walked to the checkout, my hand on his shoulder as he looked at the car. His car. The one he had chosen when choosing was not the easiest path.

I’m not sure if Kaleb remembers this incident, for although children (especially him) have a remarkable memory for key moments, what happened that day was more remarkable to me than to him. I was trying to teach him about the power of choice, and yet I ended up learning so much more: about him and his wondrous qualities and about me and the love I feel for my son. For you see, I could have done the easy thing and chosen to buy both cars. It would have only taken another dollar. But I loved him enough not to, even though it caused me pain. So we both learned more about the power of choice.

Not all our decisions as parents have that trade-off, but isn’t it wonderful when we get them right, when we choose the path that empowers?

 

Photo by wriccobene

Filed Under: Choices, Fathers, Lessons, Papá Heroes, Wisdom Tagged With: , , , ,

Back to the Future

October 26, 2011 by 4 Comments

Back to the Future Delorean from Wallpaper Vortex.

Ever since I was five, and the first installment of Back to the Future came out, I was hooked on the topic for life. I remember dreaming of what my parents were like when they were my age. A few years later, and after listening to the same response from various sources when I asked to do something my age wouldn’t allow, that: “You’ll be able to do that when you’re older” got to me to the point where I wanted to become an adult pronto! Fast forward two decades and I was happy to be one.

Everything in life has its moment

Although it may seem harmless at first, wishing I were an adult, got me thinking diferently than the rest of my friends. Even now, I feel much older than most. Sometimes, even older than my parents – - but that’s another post entirely. What my Dad used to tell me, should’ve become my motto. Words to live by: “Everything in life has its moment”. Bah! I used to say, but now I look back and wish I could re-live some of those child memories. Moments were no cares where in sight. Innocence was running rampant. Politicians were good, honest and trustworthy men and women. Crime was something cops prevented and never caused, and if trouble came, Superman was always near by to solve it. So while I looked towards the future when I was young, I now look back to the past that brought me up.

Not making the same mistakes

I’ve told my children a few times, that they’ll understand when they’re older and that when they’re bigger, they will be able to do this or that. I need to stop that. After all, there’s no better time that the present. We can’t know what the future will bring and the past, well … already passed. I’m going to make an extra effort to remember that kids will be kids and when they’re adults, no more babies will roam around doing silly things and making us laugh. Everything will be more serious and complex, so why rush it? I will destroy my time machine today.

It’s all Flash’s fault

Why am I thinking of this now, you may ask. Well this past weekend I hung up a poster on my son’s bedroom (that a friend gave to me about seven years ago, and I never framed) of Flash. And while putting it up, I looked at my reflection on the glass with my son’s bedroom decorations reflected there as well, and for a brief second, I remember what it felt like being a kid, with superheroes on my walls. I started analyzing (and over-analyzing) my time travel addiction, and promised to change this time around. Funny how our minds give us these memories when we least expect them, right?

Detail of my son's "New" Flash Poster drawn by, now deceased, Michael Turner.

So, what do you think? Should we never mention the phrase: “When you grow up…” to our kids? Will it help them if we don’t? Give me your input, I’ll be delighted to know your thoughts.

Filed Under: Choices, Lessons, Papá Heroes Tagged With: ,

Dad Rules #4: Changing Priorities

October 5, 2011 by 1 Comment

Changed Priorities Ahead by: add1sun on Flickr

This is the part of a series of short posts that are meant to be like little nudges of counsel from what I’ve been able to experience with my 5 year old and my 2 year old.

I remember my Dad used to come to my bedroom every now and then with his hand streched out. He would walk on over to one of the walls and start “drawing lines” with his hand on the wall. His mouth would open and a speech would come out. Always in a loving tone and with great patience. I hated it and even though he would almost whisper (a great achievement for someone who talks loud by nature) it sounded like the world was about to stop spinning. His speech would go something like this:

“Son, there are a list of priorities in this life. Priorities which you must establish in your day, to make sure you do things the right way:

  1. Do your homework and study
  2. Clean up your room
  3. Help your mother and I when we request it of you
  4. Do your chores
  5. Play

As you can see, there are other more important things you must achieve before you enjoy playtime. Everything on its own time. You will have time to play later on, but for now, there are other more important things awaiting your attention”

I used to loathe these moments. Now I realize he was right. We must put things in perspective and apply priorities so we get everything we need to do, done. Always in its own time. I’m now passing along this wisdom to my kids, just not with my hand on the wall. At least not yet.

Thanks, Dad. You always showed patience with me. Especially when I misbehaved or did things poorly. I’ve never forgotten your lessons. I still apply them.

How about you, did your parents put you up for these types of speeches. Do you employ the same words with your children? Do tell.

Filed Under: Lessons, Papá Heroes, Wisdom

Dad Rules #2: Know thy neighbor

September 2, 2011 by 1 Comment

This is part of a series of short posts that are meant to be like little nudges of counsel from what I’ve been able to experience with my 5 year old and my (almost) 2 year old.

Know them throughly

For your child’s safety, you must become Sherlock Holmes. Through the power of observation (and an occasional interview – disguised as common talk) determine if you will let your kid have fun inside your neighbor’s house, playing with their child.

If you are not certain that it would be safe for them to play indoors, don’t allow it! Follow your gut feeling always and don’t let your arm be bended by those puppy-like eyes your kid shows when asking: “Can I go next door to play?”

Drop By Unannounced

Even though no one ever knows people to the full extent (not even I know myself completely), these tips will help you protect your kids when you are not there. On top of that, schedule unannounced visits to ensure everything is ok. Bake some muffins and go over. Ask your child to come back and give you a hand with the frosting. Give some of those delicious confections to the neighbors. The time spent helping you is perfect for some questioning. “What have you been playing? Do you need to use the bathroom? Be sure to use it before you leave.” These are a few of the things you can ask. Make sure you let them know, beforehand, that if they need to use the bathroom, they must return to home base and use theirs. Also remind them that asking for food / candy is not polite. If the want something, they should return and ask you.

This is one key element of your job as Champion of your kids well being. Do it well!

Filed Under: Lessons, Papá Heroes, Parental Advice

Dad Rules #1: Tell them what they need to know

August 31, 2011 by 2 Comments

This is the first of a series of short posts that are meant to be like little nudges of counsel from what I’ve been able to experience with my 5 year old and my (almost) 2 year old.

Daddy, but Why?

Every child goes through a “Why?” stage. It helps them cope with their reality. Although it can become a little annoying after the first 8 “why?’s” It is immensely helpful to them. Try to remain calm.

Children will ask what they need/want to know when they are ready. There are a lot of things they will ask about.

  • Sex
  • Drugs / alcohol
  • Same sex marriage / homosexuality / lesbianism
  • Death
  • What “x” curse means
  • Why some of their friends are bigger / taller / skinnier or fatter than them
  • God / religion
  • Is Santa Claus / Easter Bunny / Tooth Fairy real?
  • Etcetera

Prepare yourself

Get ready to have an answer for any of their questions. Gather your better half, your Master Yoda, and make a list of tough issues and how you will address them. Prepare an answer which is in agreement with both of you (if you are a single parent, this does not apply, of course). Study it. Memorize it. Let it become part of your blood. When they ask, your answer will spill out as planned and the day will be saved.

Your targeted / specific answers protect them from misinformation they might get from a different source, such as friends, people near them, TV Shows, Magazine articles, blogs, ads, imaginary friends, etc… Remember they view us parents as the perfect source of information, so whatever we say, is the way it is. Just don’t let it get to your head, ok?

It’s a great power that we must employ with great responsibility. Use it well.

Filed Under: Lessons, Papá Heroes, Parental Advice

To Sleep or not to Sleep (With you)

August 29, 2011 by 6 Comments

Sleeping like a baby from: jovanto on Flickr

Ok, this is one of those tough subjects, I’ve had to argue with a lot of people recently. Do you let your kids sleep with you? Let me begin saying that, with my first born, we counted the days until she could not sleep with us any more. We were selfish to the point of returning her to her crib, even if she had just let us know that she preferred to sleep with us. The excuse was always the same: “I need my beauty sleep”.

With our second child, we practiced a different approach. See, we learned how sleeping with the parents, the children are less afraid of things/situations and have more self esteem. All of this from a simple gesture of letting them sleep with me?! Seems that, when they shut down, they feel secure to know we’re there and our loving support encourages them to feel safe all the time.

Nowadays, we sleep with my boy’s foot in my face and his hand up my wife’s nose. We wake up destroyed but fulfilled knowing that he’s growing up with less fear. At first we were concerned about a baby in our bed. After all we could roll over and squash him at any time, so we came up with a simple, yet brilliant solution: we pushed the bed a little to the side and placed his crib right next to our bed. we took of one of the rails and voilá! we had ourselves a bed/crib contraption. He would sleep with us in the middle and after a while, my wife would slide him to his crib.

My son is almost two already, and I can assure you he is way more secure than my daughter. He’s like a little explorer. Like a little version of Capt. Jonathan Archer dwelling into the unknown with high hopes and his fear in check. Trouble is, I still second-guess myself wether it was his sleeping with us that did it or if he was built that way. Guess I’ll never know.

Anyways, the purpose of me writing this here is to ask you: Do you let your kids sleep with you? Why? Why not? Shed some light into this mystery, will you?

Filed Under: Choices, Fear, Lessons, Papá Heroes, Parental Advice
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